Saturday, April 11, 2009

lies anyone?

What is the basis of a white lie? Is it really so bad?
I know that lying is basically bad, but is there ever a situation where hiding the truth or lying is acceptable?Whenever you do the right thing for some weird reason it always blows up in your face, sometimes it's so tempting to just lie about it and just get away with so many things or cause no damage whatsoever.
I mean really think about it, in certain situations when you hide or lie about something to not cause pain then you're doing a good thing. More like a the end justifies the means sort of thing you know. But when is it ever really right to just lie or hide something?If you have the answer to this question please let me know. I'm finding it very hard to answer this.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Journey to the center of me.

I never really knew the importance of a few days. I always thought that if it was important enough it could always wait for the right time. I never found much value with the saying carpe diem until today. It's amazing how in a few days so many variables in life can change. That in so little time so many life-changing things could occur. I feel like I'm back in high school where everything was just extremely emotional and everything made you feel like you could take away your own life.
I've never truly been alone in my life, I've always had a safety net of sorts, I know that no man is an island but at this point I think it's about time I learned to stand on my own. If I ever read this in the future and I'm having doubts about myself or whatever situation I'm in. Here's a message to future me. Don't give up, really think about something before you do it and if you've thought it thru, do it right away. Regret is one of the most painful emotions ever, I guess I'm feeling that now actually I know that i'm feeling that now. But it's called regret for a reason, it's over and done with and more often than not you can't do anything about it anymore. I pray that I'm able to stand by the decisions that I've made recently and I pray that my resolve doesn't falter. I'd like to think that in every painful experience you have, you learn a lot from it. I just wish it didn't have to hurt this much.
I'm now embarking on a journey to know who I really am and i'm sort of looking at it in a positive way. I know that whatever it is that I find in myself is something that I will like, something that I'll be content with and maybe then I can move forward. I hope that I don't have a lot idle moments because I know for a fact that everytime I do i'll be thinking about the mistakes that I've made. My dad told me something today that I've heard before but I've never really paid attention to. An idle mind is the devil's playground. In this scenario the devil is me, and I have to stop playing with myself ( hehe I know that sounds incredibly bad but I'm hoping you know what I mean). I pray for the strength to stand by my choice, I know it's gonna be hard but I hope that I can prove myself wrong. Emotion like my dad said, is governed by will. I hope that my will is strong enough to overcome these amazingly strong emotions. But if there's one thing that these emotions are giving me today, It's something to write about.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009


Do people really still believe in destiny? Do you honestly think that a certain path is written down for a man or woman to fulfill in his life?

More often than not life gives you very unexpected turns, things that you would never do in a million years but you end up doing them anyway. At one point in life I'm pretty sure you thought that you had a brilliant plan laid out, and you were so sure about it too. But what if something you didn't expect, something you didn't plan out deviated you from that path? What if you suddenly found yourself in a very strange road that was not at all familiar. Will you eventually get back on that path? Is an unexpected turn of events just a momentary bump to hinder you from getting to the end goal? or does it change completely because of that bump?

I know I may not be making much sense to most of you, but I guess I just have so many questions about life right now. I'd seen myself going to a very specific end goal before, and I was so sure of it. Bumps happened and now as much as I still want to end up in that specific place, I don't know if the universe will allow it, with all the complications in life, I don't know if it'll still end up the same way I always thought it out to be. I know i can plow through whatever challenge life throws at me, but at the end will I be standing there alone? In a place that's so unfamiliar, so alien, so strange to me? Or will it all still be the same. I think it was machiavelli who said the end justifies the means, so I guess the last question I have in my head now is if you change the means, will the end result still be the same?

Friday, February 27, 2009


The best and the worst of the times had occurred to me all in a day's worth.
February 26, 2009: Received my most feared karma. I deserved it. It's just that I never thought it'd be that painful. So it was a killer, yeah. Now I don't wanna do anybody wrong. I swear. And in that very afternoon, gizel knew I should end something that should've been ended a long time ago. This is day #1 of the moving on process. I'm happily letting go. It's time to start anew. Pure. Me. I'm happy. :-)
What would you do if you're being sent away one too many times?
Stay away... and move on.
"But somewhere inside I'm still on the line
You leave me no room to bleed
Wait on the landscape that I'm breaking
Watch as I burn my bridges down
And I've tried to run but now
I'm all doneYou leave me no room to bleed"
- "No Room To Bleed" by Ben LeeTo the person who introduced this song to me, I miss you. Please send me a message soon.

epic blog SAVE

23 things that everyone on facebook is pressured to do.. and since I pretty much have so little time to write these days I'll just post this here.. hehe
1.First off, damn 23 things?! couldn't they just have made it like 10, I mean, who has 23 random things about themselves handy for situations like these.
2.I'm an extroverted geek, I love playing computer games with my son,yes!at home but more often than not I can't stand being alone at home.
3.I like being sexy, although I'm really not and I've never ever been sexy so I wouldn't know how it feels, but I still like the thought.
4.I moved out of my parents house with 4000 pesos in my wallet and no bank account, thankfully I work now. Now I have a bank account with no money and I have less than 4 thousand in my wallet.
5.I'm a secret sap, Only 795 of my friends know this.
6.I don't sleep normal hours, although my room has no windows so it emulates night and that's good enough for me.
7.I dislike sunlight, not because it burns my skin or anything but I hate sweating when I'm not in gym clothes.
8.I'm currently on a canned tuna diet, and I TRY to run around the village every night to lose weight.
9.Damn I miss rice.
10.Damn I miss chocolates
11.Damn I miss softdrinks
12.Damn it all to hell, I'm no longer on a diet.
13.I'm pretty much a walking contradiction, I love to work, but at the same time I wanna just stay home and not do anything, I hate the sun but I love the beach.
14.I seriously need a vacation,probably at my Gf's place, just a LITTLE bit of time to get out of town or something
15.I spend at least 5 hours in front of a computer everyday, not because it's my job but simply because I want to. And no I don't allocate all that for porn, that only takes up 4 hours and 45 minutes of the 5.
16.I constantly pray that a mercedes benz slk 350 just drops out of the sky (in perfect condition) for me.
17.I have two older blood brothers and a ton of brothers from other mothers.
18.I dream of eventually living in a WONDERFUL condominium where everything is just amazingly minimalist.
19.I play basketball with my high-school barkada every Saturday but for some weird reason I don't think I'm getting better at it. ( I expect a lot of responses to this and knowing my barkada none of them will be positive)
20.I was named after a Russian ballerina and a Russian politician, take your pick.
21.I used to hustle pool, now that there's a pool table at home I suck at it.
22.I used to hate blogging but I then realized that it'd be a good writing exercise.
23.I have a blog haha,