Journey to the center of me.

I never really knew the importance of a few days. I always thought that if it was important enough it could always wait for the right time. I never found much value with the saying carpe diem until today. It's amazing how in a few days so many variables in life can change. That in so little time so many life-changing things could occur. I feel like I'm back in high school where everything was just extremely emotional and everything made you feel like you could take away your own life.
I've never truly been alone in my life, I've always had a safety net of sorts, I know that no man is an island but at this point I think it's about time I learned to stand on my own. If I ever read this in the future and I'm having doubts about myself or whatever situation I'm in. Here's a message to future me. Don't give up, really think about something before you do it and if you've thought it thru, do it right away. Regret is one of the most painful emotions ever, I guess I'm feeling that now actually I know that i'm feeling that now. But it's called regret for a reason, it's over and done with and more often than not you can't do anything about it anymore. I pray that I'm able to stand by the decisions that I've made recently and I pray that my resolve doesn't falter. I'd like to think that in every painful experience you have, you learn a lot from it. I just wish it didn't have to hurt this much.
I'm now embarking on a journey to know who I really am and i'm sort of looking at it in a positive way. I know that whatever it is that I find in myself is something that I will like, something that I'll be content with and maybe then I can move forward. I hope that I don't have a lot idle moments because I know for a fact that everytime I do i'll be thinking about the mistakes that I've made. My dad told me something today that I've heard before but I've never really paid attention to. An idle mind is the devil's playground. In this scenario the devil is me, and I have to stop playing with myself ( hehe I know that sounds incredibly bad but I'm hoping you know what I mean). I pray for the strength to stand by my choice, I know it's gonna be hard but I hope that I can prove myself wrong. Emotion like my dad said, is governed by will. I hope that my will is strong enough to overcome these amazingly strong emotions. But if there's one thing that these emotions are giving me today, It's something to write about.

Written

Do people really still believe in destiny? Do you honestly think that a certain path is written down for a man or woman to fulfill in his life?



More often than not life gives you very unexpected turns, things that you would never do in a million years but you end up doing them anyway. At one point in life I'm pretty sure you thought that you had a brilliant plan laid out, and you were so sure about it too. But what if something you didn't expect, something you didn't plan out deviated you from that path? What if you suddenly found yourself in a very strange road that was not at all familiar. Will you eventually get back on that path? Is an unexpected turn of events just a momentary bump to hinder you from getting to the end goal? or does it change completely because of that bump?

I know I may not be making much sense to most of you, but I guess I just have so many questions about life right now. I'd seen myself going to a very specific end goal before, and I was so sure of it. Bumps happened and now as much as I still want to end up in that specific place, I don't know if the universe will allow it, with all the complications in life, I don't know if it'll still end up the same way I always thought it out to be. I know i can plow through whatever challenge life throws at me, but at the end will I be standing there alone? In a place that's so unfamiliar, so alien, so strange to me? Or will it all still be the same. I think it was machiavelli who said the end justifies the means, so I guess the last question I have in my head now is if you change the means, will the end result still be the same?